The Saga of Dr. Evil and Mini-Me

 The Saga of Dr. Evil and Mini-Me

by John Bradford Branney

Figure One – The dorsal side of the first “mystery stone” that  I found at the prehistoric
rock quarry on 12/20/2020. Definitely faceted and polished. The scale is 6.5 inches long.  

Anyone who has hunted artifacts for any length of time has picked up a rock or two that they did not know whether ole Mother Nature or a prehistoric human modified it. Every time I go artifact hunting, I bring back a couple of mystery stones to study under better light and magnification. More often than not, I toss those mystery stones out with the other rocks and chipping debris alongside the road in our pasture. Those tossed pieces are a story unto themselves. Someday when I am long dead and gone, some curious lad or lass will be walking along that road and see all the chipping debris and think they discovered the motherlode, maybe the next Lindenmeier archaeological site.

Five days before Christmas in 2020, I hunted a new spot in northern Colorado along the hills and floodplains of an intermittent creek. I did not have much hope in finding any artifacts because I knew that locals were hunting the area for several decades. But as the old saying goes, “you never know what you are going to find until you look”. Besides, I needed to get away from the house for a nice winter stroll.   

I was pleasantly surprised to discover what appeared to be a prehistoric rock quarry on a hill overlooking the creek (figure two). There were digging pits and a couple of really nice stone circles. In my opinion, the rocks used in the stone circles were much too large just to hold down the bases of the tipis. Some of the rocks would have taken two strong people to haul them to the circle. My gut told me that the previous occupants used the stone circles for some unknown ritual. Quartzite chipping debris littered the ground over several acres along the ridge but worked pieces and artifacts were few and far between. That was exactly what I expected; the locals hunted it out. Mixed amongst the quartzite, I did find the occasional jasper or chalcedony flake that the prehistoric occupants hauled to the site.   

I spotted an interesting piece of diorite that looked completely out of place on the ridge. I picked it up for a closer examination (figure one). The ventral side of the rock was flat and wore its original dull and craggy rock surface while the rounded dorsal side of the rock was faceted and appeared modified by some process, either natural or by human hands. The distal end of the rock featured a worn and polished tip. The rock exhibited a beveled, polished edge around its perimeter, except for the proximal end which remained sharp. I studied the proximal end of the rock, and it

Figure Two – Foggy, cold, and windy morning in November 2022 on the ridge at the prehistoric rock quarry, November 2022. In the middle ground is a well-made stone circle made from massive quartzite cobbles, the same rock type the prehistoric people were mining.

was a little banged up as if someone used it as a pick or hammer. I did not think much of the rock, but I threw it in my backpack anyway. I left the site with a few worked artifact pieces, so the trip was not a complete bust. And it isn’t every day that I crossed paths with a legitimate prehistoric rock quarry.

When I arrived home that evening, I evaluated the worked pieces and threw most of them alongside our road. Then, I remembered the backpack and the mystery stone. I retrieved and studied that rock from every angle under good light and magnification. For some reason, that rock intrigued me. The ventral side was rough, dull, and natural while the dorsal side looked pecked and formed. The facets on the dorsal side were distinct and fairly sharp. Most of the polished beveled perimeter along the ventral part of the rock looked modified by a human, in my opinion. What kind of selective weathering would leave the bottom of the rock original and rough while polishing the top of the rock, and the edges and tip? It was time to crack open some books. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I knew I wasn’t on the verge of discovering the “Holy Grail of All Prehistoric Artifacts” or “King Tutankhamun’s Mask”. I was under no delusions. At that stage in my evaluation, it was just another rock. I have seen the majestic hardstone artifacts people find east of the High Plains; the pipes and bannerstones and holy cow, some of those axes! Wow! I have hunted the High Plains most of my long life and the best hardstone artifacts I have found are metates, lots of manos, and an occasional axe, pony tie, or roller pestle. That is about it. Hardstone artifacts on the High Plains are as rare as moose feathers.  

It took me a few days for my curiosity about that puzzling chunk of diorite to wear off. I cataloged the rock in my artifact database as an adze or a hide-burnishing tool. Then, I went about my business. I did not know what that mystery stone was, and so I chalked it up to another one-off mystery. Life went on and I hunted artifacts at least once per week throughout 2021.

I returned to that prehistoric rock quarry thirteen months later on January 17, 2022. I discovered another mystery stone, just like the first one, only smaller. The second mystery stone was almost like the first one: same material, design, polished edges, worn tip, and unifacial profile (figure three). I named the smaller one Mini-Me after the little guy in the Austin Powers movie. If the smaller mystery stone on the left in figure three is Mini-Me, then the larger mystery stone on the right must be Dr. Evil. That makes sense to me.

For those of you who have not seen the Austin Powers movies, you are probably asking yourself, “What in the world is he talking about?” I request some latitude when dealing with my bizarre sense of humor and in my odd comparison of rocks to movie characters.

I posted a couple of photographs of Dr. Evil and Mini-Me on an artifact social media site just to see if anyone recognized what they were. I know, I must have been either brave or stupid to ask for serious feedback on an internet artifact site. The feedback did not disappoint me. I received a barrage of incoming missiles. It was open season on poor ole Dr. Evil and Mini-Me. The reactions and responses ranged from cynical to consolatory. I received advice ranging from “leave it where you found it” and “better luck next time” to 

Figure Three - The second mystery stone on the left (Mini-Me), and the 
first mystery stone on the right (Dr. Evil). Dr. Evil is 6.5 inches long. 

“are you kidding me?” I received little encouragement and zero serious answers. The feedback was pretty harsh, but I gave it a try. 

Next, I e-mailed a couple of photographs to an artifact hunter who knows his High Plains stuff inside and out, and he pretty much indulged me in my fantasy. I saw through his kind comments, but I could tell Dr. Evil and Mini-Me did not impress him. I am sure he thought I was sniffing too much glue or something. After thoroughly studying the two mystery stones, I was convinced more than ever that someone from the prehistoric past modified them. But who did it and for what purpose? I tucked the ‘artifacts’ away and my puzzle remained unsolved.

I returned to the quarry site on an intensely cold and windy day in February 2022. My hands and feet practically froze off! My eyes never stopped watering from the blast of arctic wind! While shivering my pea-sized brain out of its cranial cavity, my weeping eyes focused on the ground. Doesn’t an old saying go, “the third times the charm?” Sure enough, I discovered number three.  It was not as classy and polished as the first two mystery stones, but it was the right shape and form, and in my humble opinion, it was not natural. Finding that third mystery stone reenergized my interest in solving the mystery!

  

Figure Four – Rounded and polished bottom edge of Dr. Evil, mystery stone

number one. The scale is 6.5 inches long.

 

I went searching through my archaeological library for lookalikes, but no tuve suerte. I was disappointed in my research results, but not entirely discouraged. By now, I was convinced more than ever I was finding something unusual and cool.  

In November 2022, I returned to the rock quarry site and found two more of the mystery stones. Figure five is the new lineup. So far, I have found eight mystery stones at the rock quarry site, and one mystery stone on another multicultural site about four miles north-northeast of the rock quarry. A buddy of mine also found one on a site about thirty miles southwest of the rock quarry. I now believe that I am on to something! My big question is what is it that my something is onto? I often wonder why I have not found any of these mystery stones before 2020. Is that because I was not looking for them? And why have I not seen these in archaeological site reports from the High Plains? Were these unique to that one area? Was one person making them and I just happened to find his calling cards?

While I can only speculate what the prehistoric human(s) used them for, I wasn’t looking for them on other sited before I found Dr. Evil and Mini-Me. It makes me wonder how many other Dr. Evils I walked over in my lifetime of artifact hunting.

Figure Five – Nine mystery stones from December 2020 to November 2022,

all from the same rock quarry site except for one.

In November 2022, I sent a couple of photographs to a High Plains archaeologist I happen to know at a nearby university. My thinking was perhaps he saw these before at some site. The archaeologist promptly e-mailed me an internet link of photographs of ventifacts; stones or pebbles shaped, worn, faceted, cut, and/or polished by the abrasive or sandblasting action of windblown sand, generally in desert environments. Without ever checking out Dr. Evil and Mini-Me in person, the archaeologist rejected my premise.      

Well…what can I say. Nevertheless, I am pursuing my research until I find answers. My collecting at the rock quarry will continue, full steam ahead. There is a remote chance that the mystery stones are not prehistoric artifacts, but naturally formed ventifacts or geofacts. The wear, polishing, and/or could be purely coincidental. If that is the case, which I do not believe, Mother Nature is really, really good.

I question why I haven’t discovered these mystery stones at other sites in the area? The simple answer might be that I was not looking for pieces of diorite or other igneous rocks on those sites. Ordinarily, I won’t pick up a chunk of diorite or granite, or other igneous rock unless it has the right shape for a metate, mano, pestle, pony tie, or axe.

Why haven’t I seen these mystery stone types in archaeological site reports from the High Plains? If archaeologists found them in situ, wouldn’t they publish them in archaeological reports? Perhaps, the answer is that one prehistoric or historic Indian tribe made and used the mystery stones on a localized basis for processing animal hides. Maybe, one person or a small group of people made them in that specific area for a specific purpose. Who knows? I don’t. Maybe someday I will know the answers.                

                 

 

John Bradford Branney is an author, geologist, and prehistorian. He has written eleven books and numerous magazine articles mostly focused on geology and archaeology. He received a B.S. in geology from the University of Wyoming and an MBA in finance from the University of Colorado. He spent thirty-four years in the energy business. Branney lives with his family in the Colorado mountains